Chapter 1

BPOV

We walked to our biology class together hand in hand as always.  Yep that’s right ladies be jealous.  I was walking down the hall with Edward Cullen.  No we may not be together but I had an even better title.  I'm his best friend.  That’s right I'm his best friend, which means that I'm not going anywhere.  This fact intensely pissed off many of his bitches, which I simply loved.

It also meant at the end of the night I was going to bed with him too.  Haha.  No, not that way… well… Edward and I had always been close.  We were inseparable as we had been most of our lives.  Our parents always found it peculiar that two people that were so different could be so drawn to one another.  Edward's family is wealthy and lives in a huge ass house and my family was more the epitome of middle class.  My father is the police chief and my mother's a kindergarten teacher.  I mean we aren't polar opposites but looking at us we were certainly from two different walks of life.    

Our mothers met in play group.  Esme, Edward’s mom, was there with his younger sister Alice.  And her and my mom Renee became fast friends.  See I was supposed to play with Alice but I guess her hyperactivity made me shy away from her.  My mom seriously thought something was wrong with me.  She thought I had some social impairment or something.  It wasn’t until Esme invited my mother over for a play date that I came out of my shell. 

I still remember that day clearly, which I know sounds crazy.  My mom had been babbling to me all morning about our fucking play date at auntie Esme’s.  We got there and my mother was instantly taken aback by the entire house.  It was pretty easy to garner that reaction from anything Esme has her hands on.  She’s an incredible interior designer.  We walked in to a huge white room with a few toys on the rug, but I didn’t want anything to do with the toys.  Alice had been sitting in the corner fussing with her Barbie dolls and I ignored her.  It was like I knew what was coming.  My attention stayed focused on the stairs.  Just a few moments later the most beautiful four year old came trotting down them.  Even back then he had his signature copper hair and emerald green eyes.  Needless to say we were fast friends.  We played the entire afternoon and my mother finally cancelled my appointment with the child psychologist.    

We became so close that our parents dreaded the end of the day.  We would throw nasty tantrums when it was time to separate us.  It got to the point where we were going on vacations with each other’s families.  Charlie, my father, loved it because it was like he had son for a few weeks a year.  We would drive up to Olympia to go camping.  And Edward’s parents would always take us somewhere outlandish and extravagant.  I got the best of both worlds. 

I also got real close with Edward’s father Carlisle because I was a fucking klutz.  He’s a doctor and thankfully he was there many times to administer stitches and he even assisted when I had to have my appendix out when I was eleven.  I’m working on it now though.  And I think I’ve been dong pretty well.  Although Edward’s older brother Emmett seems to think its necessary to remind me of the past every chance he gets.

But I digress, Edward’s whole fucking family was amazing and I love them all.  They were truly my home away from home.  Emmett is like having a big brother.  I swear when ever there was a guy even remotely interested in me he would proceed to give him the third degree.  I’m sure Charlie friggon loves every second of it.  Emmett’s girlfriend fits him to a tee.  She looks like she walked right out of a magazine constantly.  Yeah its a little annoying but she's super sweet if you know her.  And hell I already love her.  She keeps him in line like no one else could and I love watching her do it.    

Alice on the other hand is fantastic in her own way.  She's better than a sister.  I swear that girl always knows how to give advice and ever since she was little she always had these gut feelings that were dead on.  I’ve never gone against them because I’ve learned you don’t bet against Alice.  She’s also a pint sized little pixie that can pack a punch.  I swear you’d never know it looking at her but holy fuck can she be scary.  Her boyfriend is precious, too.  I always had a little crush on Jasper.  There was just something about a southern accent that made me weak in the knees and wet in the panties.  He's her own personal cowboy and man were they made for each other.  She's obsessed with fashion and he liked being out in the wild but they just fucking meshed.  I couldn’t explain it any better than they could but I knew from the moment I saw them together that I would be going to their wedding.     

Anywho, yeah Edward and I were close.  I mean nothing got in between us even though enough people tried.  We always ended up back holding each other at night.  It all started when our parents finally realized it was just easier letting us be together that to separate us.  We would go to Edward’s and stay there for a night or two and then we would go back to my house for a night or two.  They always tried to put us in our own beds but it never lasted and they finally got it through their heads that we were each other’s safety objects.  Some kids have a fricken blanket, well I had an Edward.  He was like a teddy bear.  We would cuddle and snuggle the night away. 

Charlie tried to put a stop to it when I was twelve stating that little girls shouldn’t be sharing a bed with little boys.  Let me tell you that lasted all of twenty minutes. We both freaked out.  There stood a fuming thirteen year old Edward staring down my father.  Charlie knew though that if he made me choose it would always be Edward so he finally gave in.  We’ve been sleeping together ever since.  Now being seventeen and a junior in high school it does feel a little weird sometimes but I would never have it any other way. 

Edward and I had so much history together that it was hard to ever picture us apart.  We were each other’s firsts for a lot of things.  And I was grateful for that.  It was just how I wanted to remember being a teenager because you always hear awful stories about how your first kiss and your first real kiss can be awkward.  Well it wasn’t.  Edward and I had that tie for life.  We were each other’s first kiss.  We were each other’s first real kiss.  We were together the first time we stole a bottle of my dad’s liquor and got drunk.  That lead to us making out for hours.  And the hot and heavy make out session became and exploration session.  We both took time to discover each other’s body.  He was the first guy I ever let down there.  And his equipment was the first I had ever seen.  Too this day there I haven’t met a guy that could even compare to him.

And I know what you’re going to say… Why aren’t you two dating if you’ve done so much with each other?  Well the answer is simple, because it’s not like that.  Edward are close enough to understand that we were curious.  Our moms always tell us how cute of a couple we would make and we always just scoff at it. 

Edward and I have an understanding about our needs too.  Yeah I know it sounds cheap but I swear its not.  We know everything about each other and it’s easier this way than going to other people and being apart.  So when we need something we agree on it and we just let it happen.  Don’t get me wrong here.  We’ve never slept together.  It’s not like that.  Everything that we’ve ever done together was of the oral nature.  And even though I will never be able to claim to be Edward’s first I still hope that someday he will be mine.  I had been waiting to see if I would ever come across a half way decent guy in Forks.  But I guess Washington had run dry on that front.  I had made this decision just a couple weeks ago and I haven’t had the nerve to talk to him about it yet.   

Edward had given that first to Tanya a few years ago and he’d managed to conquer most of the female student body since then.  It bothered me and I could never put my finger on why, but it really fucking did.  He would always kick them out shortly after the act was over, change the sheets and call me.  I knew because he dated Angela for a while.  She was I guess a close friend or I should say she used to be.  She was mortified that even after dating for a few months he wouldn’t spend the night with her.  After that she publicly broke up with him, obviously accusing him of cheating all of this came out.  Honestly though he wasn’t, we never did anything other than cuddle when he was in a relationship.         

Don’t think I’m some sort of spinster either because I’m not.  I just can’t seem to come across any man within a fucking fifty-mile radius that’s worth my time.  Don’t even get me started on the vermin that I’ve managed to date.  The likes of Tyler Crowley and Mike Newton are some of my shining achievements though.  Tyler was nice but there was less than nothing there for chemistry and I always found it hard to talk to him.  Mike on the other hand was just a fucking horn dog.  All he ever wanted was sex and I simply refused.  Besides Edward didn’t like any of the guys I dated.  And if I was to ever get serious with someone he would have to approve.      

I knew our little arrangement wasn’t going to be able to last forever.  I could just see it now.  “I know we’re married honey.  Thanks for the sex but I’m going to spend the night with Edward.”  HA!  Which is why I needed to talk to Edward soon. 

 *****

It was April and we were sitting at our lab table.  We could never be separated.  Edward had even gone as far as to bribe teachers in to letting us sit near each other.  And of course he charmed the shit out of the councilors and was able to always have the same schedule as me.  We spent our hour and a half as we always did, writing back and forth to each other. 

Hey B, hows your day so far?-E

Eh... its alright... just tired I guess... U?-B

Not too bad... Lauren is annoying the shit out of me tho -E

Oh man... prolly shouldn't of slept with her then... huh?-B 

No... prolly not... -E

Ladies get a taste and then they can't get enough...-B

You would know... lol-E

Oh yea Eddie, you know you star in my dreams every night -B

Well you do talk in your dreams Swan... Don't forget we share a bed -E

I'm prolly just yelling at your dumbass -B

Yeah yelling 'harder' haha -E

EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN-B

Harder-E

HA-B

What are you doing after school?-E

Idk... Em wanted me to meet his friend Jacob... but Idk if I want to-B

Awe blow that shit off... it's Em's friend for christ's sake!-E

Well what would we do?-B  I was trying to ease in to the conversation. 

I dunno... we could watch a movie-E

Nothing else you wanna do?-B

Why is there something you wanna do?-E God nows my chance!  I'm taking it. 

Yea...-B

What's that?-E

Y.O.U.-B

Fuck Bella... You can't say those things during class.  I'm not going to be able to walk down the hallway now. thx alot.-E

I'm serious...-B

But Bella... ur umm... cherry is still intact...-E

I know...-B I looked up from the notebook and stared straight in to his eyes.  I was silently pleading with him.  I needed him for this.  I didn't trust anyone else enough and I definitely wanted it gone before I moved to college. 

We'll talk about this later... I'll meet you at my house after school.  C ya then.  -E

He practically ran from the room when the bell rang.  I didn't know if this was a good or a bad sign.  I began to panic wondering if maybe I put myself out there a little too far.  

I grabbed my homework out of my locker and trudged my way to my truck.  Biology was our last class of the day and I was grateful.  I didn't need to spend anymore time wondering if he was pissed because I asked him to do it.  It wasn't as if we weren't attracted to each other.  I mean he never had a problem getting it up but maybe he thought actual sex would change things?  I don't know but I needed to find out.  I sped out of parking lot chirping the tires as I made my way around the turn.  Minutes later I was rolling up to the Cullen mansion.   

Edward's shiny silver Volvo was already in place in his parking space.  He drove like a friggon maniac so of course he was already here.  I was so fucking nervous to see what his reaction was going to be.  I grabbed my bag and my purse and walked to the front door.  Normally I would have just let myself in but it all felt different now.  "Shit!"  I cursed to myself.  I knew saying anything was inevitably going to change the 'us' we had created.  

I knocked timidly almost hoping he wouldn't hear it and I could run back to my truck and avoid this whole situation.  "Bella is that you?"  I heard him call from the other side of the door.  

"Yeah..."  I muttered weakly. 

"Well come in then.  What did you forget how to use a door knob?"  He said reverting back to his smart-ass ways.  

"No."  I said quietly. 

He had already changed in to lounge pants and wife beater.  This was our thing.  We would change in to comfortable clothes before we collapsed in his room for a night full of movies and groping.  He would usually either make us dinner or order in and we would be holed up in there the entire night.  Except today was Friday so that meant it was going to be the entire weekend.  I groaned to myself thinking about just how long this fucking weekend was going to be.  

"What's up with you Bell-Bell?"  He asked using one of the many childhood nicknames he had for me.   

"Nothing, sorry."  I said hoping that maybe we wouldn't have to talk about it.  Maybe it could just happen naturally.  

"I made us some chicken wings and there's popcorn already up there.  Go grab a movie from the den and I'll see you up there."  He said and just before I turned to leave he fucking winked at me.  I'm serious that fucking wink got to me.  What the fuck did that mean?

I grabbed the Hangover because I needed a laugh.  I hadn't seen it yet but I heard it was hilarious.  I slipped past the kitchen quickly and went up the stairs.  His room was the only one on the third floor.  Yeah that's right the middle child was spoiled in this family.  Hell they all were.  Edward needed the extra room for his music room and so Esme felt it was easier on everyone's ears to give him his own soundproof floor.  Emmett had a game room attached to his room and of course Alice had a walk in closet the size of the guest room.  

He sauntered in just a few minutes after me.  I was in the corner sitting on the beanbag chair.  Normally I would be sprawled out on his king sized bed, but now that felt weird.  He shoved a wing in his mouth and I watched his tongue pop out to lick his lips and I almost moaned. I guess I had been a little needy lately.  He'd been giving me a workout nearly every night for the past week and I was starting to feel selfish.  I knew he didn't act like he minded when I asked him but I felt bad anyways because it was a chore. Having to get your friend off before you can go to sleep.  I mean don't get me wrong I always took care of him right after and we would pass out together but I'm sure for him it was probably annoying.     

"Want some Belly baby?"  He asked offering me a wing.  

"No thanks."  I shoo my head and pulled myself from the decrepit definition of chair and walked to his mini fridge.  I needed a drink and I needed one fast.  I was so nervous that I felt like my throat was going to swell up.  I grabbed a coke and made my way back to the piece of shit in the corner.   

"Isabelllllla"  He said letting his tongue roll with my name, effectively sending shivers down my spine and pulses to my pussy.  

"Yes Eddie boy."  I countered. 

"Bella."  He said in warning tone.  I knew how much he hated that name.  

"Sorry." I said quickly as I was about to plop myself down again. 

"Hey what are you doing over there?"  He asked seriously.  

"I just thought I'd sit here."  I answered with a shrug. 

"Well don't think and get your pretty little ass up here with me."  He said patting the bed.  

"Can we just get this over with?"  I asked with a huff. 

"What do you mean?"  He said furrowing his long thick brows. 

"I mean can you just get to giving me your reasons why you don't want to be the one and then I can go home and we can let this whole awkwardness take over us."  

"Bella what the fuck are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about what I asked you earlier."

"Oh..."  He said softly.  He put down the wings and cleaned off his hands and his mouth.  

"Bella listen... As much as I would love to... um... do that for you... I think you should do that with someone you’re in love with."  

"You were in love with Tanya?"  I asked incredulously. 

"Oh hell no.  Bella you know better than anyone that that bitch was the biggest mistake of my life."

"Yeah... I do..."  I whispered.  "So why then do you think I should be in love?"

"Because I've been there and I would give anything to go back and stop it so I could have shared that experience with someone I cared about."

"That's just it Edward!  That's why I want it to be you!"  I practically shouted. 

"Huh?"  He said looking so fucking confused.  God he was cute when he was confused.  

"Ugh!  Edward, you and I have been stuck together for the last what thirteen years?  I know you're not going anywhere and I care about you more than anyone else right now.  We've shared so many other firsts I just wish I could have this last one with you and then I can always look back on it and smile.  And anyways, this way, once we open this door, things, will be easier."

"What the fuck do you mean by things?"

"I mean that when you need something or when I need something we don't have to do it separately anymore."  I said with my cheeks flushing.  

"Isabella Marie!  You want me to pop your fucking cherry and you're really talking about making a habit out of this?"  

"Well we did about everything else."  I stated confidently.  

"Yeah that’s because I'm an idiot and I should have stopped all that a while ago."  He said looking away from me.  

"WHY?"  I asked as my anger hit. 

"Because it's not right.  Bella you're too good to be treated like that.  You should be dated and loved.  God I fucked up so bad."  

"Well since there isn't a decent fucking guy anywhere near us, what the fuck am I ga-ga-gonna do?"  I asked as the tears started to hit. 

"Oh Bella."  He said, getting off the bed and walking over to me.  "Baby don't cry."  He said pulling me to him.  

"I'm sa-sa-sorry Edward."  

"Bella what are you sorry for?"  He asked as he smoothed my hair.  

"I'm sorry for ever asking.  I shouldn't have."  I said softly as I began to calm down. 

"Yes you should have.  We are best friends and the lines are a bit blurred so I can see why you did."

"Edward, even if the lines weren't blurred I still would have wanted it to be you."  I said, barley audible. 

"You're so sure?"  It was more of a question than a statement.

"Yes."  I said confidently.  

“Bella, I want to… I can’t even explain that… Please just wait for me.”

I nodded and from there it got dropped.  We spent the weekend cuddling and kissing and watching movies. 

*****

4 years later…

I moved in with him shortly before I graduated from high school.  Our parents understood that we just couldn’t be apart any longer.  Edward had sacrificed going to Harvard, Stanford and Dartmouth for a year so that he could be near me while I finished high school. 

That fall we both left for Dartmouth together.  Of course I knew it was going to be different.  I didn’t know how I knew but I had a feeling deep down.  Nothing could stay perfect forever.  Edward and I ended up finding a nice two bedroom not too far from campus.  He insisted that we wouldn’t need a two bedroom but I didn’t want be a roadblock to him.  And honestly even if he was coming home with some slut I would rather he did come home than leave me by myself.    

Now I was a week away from celebrating my twenty-second birthday.  Edward and I were still as close as ever.  We still lived together and we both were still attending Dartmouth together.  I was hoping beyond anything else though that everything would change soon.  I guess not everything was the same between Edward and I.  Somewhere along the line I realized why I hated it when he would invite his lady friends over.  Somewhere along the line I fell in love.  When I realized it I wanted to die.  I couldn’t believe I made that mistake.  Edward of course would never see me as anything other than his best friend.

I mean we still shared that blurred relationship of best friends though.  We would go out drinking and come home and fuck around with each other and fall asleep in each others arms.  We still hadn’t slept together, even though I tried so many times.  And yes I still retained my V-card.  I still held tight to the dream that Edward would share that experience with me. 

He had been hounding me for a week now about what I wanted for my birthday.  Even if I didn’t tell him, he would get me something amazing that totally fit me.  But this year I was going to ask him for his help with this.  I always wanted it to be him.  And when I asked him the first time all those years ago, he never really turned me down, he just asked me to wait.  So now I was done waiting.   

I planned to make him his favorite dinner for when he got home from work.  Edward was interning at the local hospital and we had fallen in to a nice little routine.  Edward would come home from work and we’d have dinner together like a fucking married couple.  He’d plant a kiss on my forehead and ask me about my day and then after dinner we’d wind up on the couch cuddling together as we let the television take our stress away.  Some nights we’d go back to his room and some nights we’d go back to mine but either way we always slept together.

We hadn’t really dated anyone since we moved out here either.  I always found that odd.  Edward in my opinion was one of the most desirable man on earth and he was utterly single but in the three years we’d lived here the most I’d ever seen him commit to was a couple of one nighters.  And he still stuck to his routine; he’d kick them out shortly after the act was finished, change the sheets and come find me.  I’d added to this routine though, I required him to shower now.  It was so hard for me to be his cuddle buddy those nights.  Sometimes I would end up silently crying myself to sleep in his arms.

I called Alice for her help.  I knew it would be weird for her since she was his sister but in very Alice fashion she was more than happy to help.  Her and Jasper had married a year ago and moved to New York to pursue her love of fashion.  She was so much closer and it was really a help when some days I couldn’t even bring myself to get out of bed.  She told from the start that Edward and I would be together.  And I agreed with her.  Hell we are together.  But of course me being so fucking ridiculous I wanted more.  I wanted to actually be together. 

She came over to perform her Bella Barbie on me.  Bella Barbie started when were in high school, where she and Rose would kidnap and force me in to a chair where she we torture me with all sorts of beauty products.  Then she would dress me in ridiculous outfits.  I hated almost every second of it.  But I needed her help.  I had to look my best for this dinner. 

I was making him my grandmother’s famous lasagna.  Edward fucking loved that shit!  Any time I even mention making it he would beg and beg until I actually did.  He repaid for the lengthy cooking process quite well each time.  So I prepped the noodles and I made the sauce and even managed to assemble it before Alice came busting through door with just under a million bags in her hands. 

“Hello, Hello, Hello!”  She called out in a very singsong way. 

“Hey Alice, I’m in the kitchen.  Just finishing up real quick.” 

“Ahh… So I see you’ve finally realized the way to a man’s heart is through his tummy.”  She said, looking critically at my meal and then smiling. 

“Yeah either that or through his dick.”  I countered.

“Dear I think we have proved that it’s certainly not through his dick since you two still are officially not together, even though you act more like a married couple than most actually married couples!”

“Fine Alice!  Yes I’m resorting to food bribery.  I can only it works.”

“Oh it will.”  She said confidently.  I wish I could be so confident.

“Come one let’s get this over with.”  I said dragging her by the hand.

“Ah patience Bella!  We must wait for someone!”  What?  Who the fuck were we waiting for?

“Who Alice?”

“Oh just a certain famous footballer’s wife.”  She said nonchalantly.  I knew right then that it was Rosalie!  Oh man it had been ages since I had seen her.  Edward and I hadn’t been home in few months and I missed her so much.  Em had gone on to be drafted for the NFL.  That’s right ladies my big brother plays for Seattle Seahawks!  And he’s incredible.  He proposed to Rose after the first game he won.  And she graciously accepted and few months later they were married.   

I squealed like a little fourteen year old!  “Really!?”  I asked making her look at me.

“Yes really.  Once I told her about your little plan she insisted that she wanted to help.”

“Alice you realize I’m not telling him I love him, right?” 

“Yes, even though I really and truly think you should.  But don’t worry everything is going to work out.  Just go along with whatever he says.” 

Before I could question her the door swung open!  Rose walked in, in her mile high heels.  She clacked her way over to us and we all just looked at one another for a few moments then the high-pitched squealing began.

They hauled me in to my bathroom and began their work.  And let me tell you, in my opinion they had their work cut out for them.  Alice was plucking and scrubbing while Rose was blow-drying and volumizing.  After Rose set some hot rollers she moved on to my nails.  Tsking her way through task.  She chided me for not properly taking care of my cuticles.  I just shook my head. 

Alice set up the waxing pot and my eyes went wide.  “ALICE!” 

“What?”  She asked innocently.

“I don’t need to wax.  I just shaved my legs this morning.”  I offered, running my hand along my leg.  It felt so smooth, what was her deal.

 “I wasn’t referring to your legs Bella.” 

“Oh dear god.” 

“Hasn’t he ever told you his preference?”

“Preference?”  I asked with my eyes wide.  Rose stood and giggled for a few moments then composed herself.

“Yeah Bella… Preference… You know how he likes your holy land.”  Rose said.

“N-n-no… He wouldn’t either… That’s not who Edward is and you know that.” 

“Bella you guys have been fucking around this long and you’ve never talked about what you like and don’t?”  Rose asked.

“He knows what I like.  And I must know what I’m doing because I always get him to finish… but no we’ve never had any kind of maintenance discussion.” 

“Oh…”  Alice said in awe.

“We’ll he will love this.  It will make you feel like a little virgin.  He’ll feel like he’s a teenager again.” 

“Rose, I am a virgin.  That’s what this whole dinner is about.” 

“WHAT!?”  She almost dropped the nail polish she was holding. 

“I’m going to ask him to do it for my birthday.”  I answered honestly.

“You have to ask, Bella?”  Rose asked in amazement.

“Yeah… I asked him to do it back in high school, but he asked me to wait for him… I don’t know what the fuck that means or meant… but either way it’s been four years and I’m done waiting.” 

“So let me get this straight.  You’ve been living with him for almost four years now and you guys have been kissing, making out, and what having oral?  But you haven’t had sex.  And it’s him who is holding back.” 

“Yes.”

“And you knew about this?”  Rose asked Alice.

“Yes I knew.  What the hell was I supposed to do?”  She said in a frustrated tone.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”  Rose asked.  I hadn’t exactly told her of realization yet.  I had a bit of a mental breakdown and I confided in Alice.

“Yes, yes Rose I am.”  I said letting out a long sigh.

“I knew it!  Esme had mentioned it to me at Christmas!”  Rose said.  Wait a fucking second!  I didn’t even know myself at Christmas!

“What the hell are you talking about Rose?”

“She took me aside and asked me about you two.  You know just wondering if you guys had finally realized you were in love with each other.  She made me watch when you opened your gift from him.  I saw it your eyes, the way you looked at him.  And then the way you two kissed.  God… just watching you guys got me all hot and bothered.”

Alice coughed and tried to choke back a laugh while she continued her make-up efforts.

“Rose we’ve always kissed like that.  It’s just something we do.  And he got me something really amazing so he deserved the kiss.” 

“What did he get you Bella?” 

I gulped.  “He got me a necklace.”

“What kind of necklace?”  Alice pressed.

“A diamond solitaire.”  I said trying to play it down.  I don’t know how he knew what to get me but I had seen that necklace and it really caught my eye.  Edward and I had been out Christmas shopping together in NYC and we jokingly went in to Tiffany’s.  We were only in there long enough for him to find a beautiful mother’s ring for Esme.  I had just glanced at this necklace but he must have seen me. It reminded me of the one my Mom wears; she got from Charlie when they first started dating.  It was gorgeous and subtle but the price tag wasn’t so I moved on to look at the rings.    

“A diamond solitaire that reminds you of your mom’s, right?”  Alice continued.

“Yea…”

The girls just giggled and continued their assault.  And after another hour and some serious pain from the waxing we were finally ready to move on to the clothes.